Look at that!

I have followers?! HI FOLLOWERS!!! Holy shit that means someone has actually read my blog. That's a first. That being said, I do answer questions, help people find information they can't for some reason, provide support. Just lemme know if any of you ever need anything (even if you don't follow you can still shoot me a message).

So I decided...

I'm going to stop the ABC and just focus on eating as little as possible for a while. I have a LOT to think about, and I can't afford to risk my son for the sake of my addiction. When I was pregnant, I was able to ignore our friend for the sake of my son and I need to do that again now. While I'm not pregnant, I could jeopardize my son with this. I can't hide when I'm being watched as closely as I am. I need to take a break. I don't WANT recovery, but I have to for a while...

Day 7 - 300 Calories

Fail. Fail fail fail.

Day 6 - 200 Calories

I'm doing really well today! I usually do my posts the next day, but I'm doing this now to keep track. I forgot to take my pill again today... But I did fine without it! :D
______________________________
Breakfast: n/a
Lunch: Soup I Made - 30
           Mini Pickle - 5
Dinner: 1 Slice of weight watchers bread - 40
            1 Slice of vegan cheese - 40
            Mini Pickle - 5
Snack: More Soup I Made - 30
Total: 150
______________________________
Weight Lost - 16.5lbs
Height - 5'5"
CW - 115.5
BMI - 19.1
GW - 101

Day 5 - 100 Calories

aI failed. Miserably. I ate so much food I'm not even gonna go into it. I'm bloated from too much sodium now though. Ughhh.

So this is it?

This is what my life comes down to. Sitting in the dark, on the floor of my grandmothers living room because my mom doesn't want to look at me. She throws me into the worst flashback of my LIFE and expects me to apologize for it. She's treating me like a criminal. I just want to fucking die, but we all saw a couple years back that I can't even kill myself right. So I'm not gonna waste my time trying. I'll just dream and hope and pray that I get hit by a bus or something.

She can have him. She can have my money. She can have everything...
She's already taken almost everything else I have.